Billionaire Warren Buffett has decided that he finally wants to have a baptismal ceremony of his own, and he’s determined to only invite his most-sophisticated-smelling friends. Are you smelling like an incredibly luxurious rich person who is good enough to attend Mr. Buffett’s adult baptism, or do you smell like a…
Everyone wants to give their brother the full-length funeral he deserves, but sometimes there’s just not a lot to say about him, and you need to cheat a little bit to make the funeral a bit longer. So how many of these ways have you padded out the running time of your brother’s funeral? Take this quiz to find out!
Hollywood’s always on the hunt for flamingos that are so sick that their story will entertain audiences around the world. Is yours sick enough to be the subject of the next blockbuster? Be sure to answer honestly.
Are you putting up a wall between yourself and the rest of your ‘Les Mis’ cast? Take the quiz to find out!
When you send out your newsletter about hypnotizing horses to your hundreds of subscribers, you always need a snappy closing line to wrap up your thoughts on hypnotizing horses and leave your readers wanting more. How many of these sentences have you used to end your weekly email newsletter about horse hypnosis? Take…
You and your neighbor get along just fine, but his kids are regular-size, and that’s got to change. How many of these ways have you subtly tried to let your neighbor know he should consider really shrinking his kids down until they’re the size of ants?
Odds are, if you’ve had absolutely incredible sex with R.L. Stine, you’ve shouted at least a few of the following statements!
It’s no secret that a religious wizard crawled into my puppet laboratory and brought my marionettes to life using a magic spell. Now my enchanted marionettes are alive, and they all love North Korea and America the same amount. It’s wonderful to have enchanted marionettes in my house. It’s a lot like having children,…
As a parent, it’s one of the hardest conversations you’ll ever have with your daughter. So how many ways have you explained to your little girl why her pet reptile deserves an unceremonious burial?
Afff! Een thay nighten, und hogge ov greatest hung’r hass Aten ov Th’ Bibles thro’out thar vellAge. Plase, Goodest sir, you must writt ein new Bible far öll ov us parr sÖlls of whome hav gott noone ov goode larnen oter den Hogge-minden an’sötch.
Hey. Look at Mommy. I know you’re upset, but I need to make sure you understand why what you did was wrong, okay?
Someone trying to rid themselves of a pest, or someone trying to prove that they are best? Take the quiz and see if you can tell!
Gandalf The Grey is a powerful wizard of many great feats, but he has not yet risen to the responsibilities of fatherhood as legally specified by the state of Florida. He’s known as a powerful and righteous sorcerer in lands afar. However, in the Miami-Dade area, Gandalf is simply viewed as a deadbeat dad who refuses…
I sell samurai swords to a couple kids in my neighborhood every now and then. There’s Cronley, Ben, my neighbor’s incredibly rude daughter, and a 12-year-old boy who wears one black garbage bag over his head and only goes by the name The Shadow. Which one of the kids who I sell samurai swords to are you? Take this…
Has your dad been thoroughly laid low by folk rock superstar Neil Young? Take this quiz and find out!
We understand that you have recently made some changes to the documentary you made about plums in an effort to lower its MPAA rating from NC-17. Let’s see if your edits went far enough.
Santa might be experiencing some serious problems with his prostate, but he’s not going to tell you about it if you’re not a very trustworthy person. Can Santa trust you with some bad news about his prostate? Take this quiz to find out!
Wilson Rawls’ beloved classic about a boy named Billy and his courageous coonhounds has been required reading for schools across the nation since the mid-’60s. But how well do you really remember the plot to ‘Where The Red Fern Grows’? Take this quiz and find out!
Is your kid a grade-A T-ball dipshit? Take this quiz to find out!
- What Good Is Your Goddamn Shrimp Farm If You’re Not Going To Let Anybody Eat Them?
- You Ever Hear About King Kong? That Big Monkey? Pretty Incredible.
- Has Every Teacher At Your School Gathered To Watch You Take A Math Test Because You’re Incredibly Smart Or Incredibly Stupid?
- How Well Do You Know The 6 Parts Of A Dog?